thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You pole danced in your parka.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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