It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All I want is dick and wine.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
