If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
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