3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
