mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
