It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
