I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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