I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Girls should come with a carfax report
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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