i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
