I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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