Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
