I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
