You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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