she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She made me pour olive oil on her.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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