he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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