She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Congratulations! We have a period
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
