Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
