Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
ttyl tear gas
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just blew my weed a kiss
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
