I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
