whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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