I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
