Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
