if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
