i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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