My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
