I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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