You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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