idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
