I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
