i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Semen is not good for contacts.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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