hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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