Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
