my phone needs a breathalizer
I think im going to throw up on grandma
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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