I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
