last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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