Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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