Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
