Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
