So drunk its hurt
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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