After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
dude. I can hear the air.
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