Whod you bang
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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