And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
