Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
