dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
