If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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