i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
