He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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