i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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