Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize