When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
