I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
