she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Panties = found
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
