Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
