and you said cock pushups were impossible
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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