Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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