she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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