We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
