I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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