this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
