you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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