He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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