So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
