Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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