Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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