My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
