In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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