I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
