I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
