2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Holy shit dude........stairs
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
