If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize