Your dad touched me again.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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