Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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