I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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