apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
