I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
