I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just found puke in my bra..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
