I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
