I am puke
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
