Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The Olympian is in my bed
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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