He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
