I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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