before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
