My liver just broke up with me...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just found puke in my bra..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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