The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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