I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
