I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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