your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize