My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
