It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
