Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
