they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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