Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
