My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
