Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
