where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
