"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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