Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
