I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
