I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I deserve this hangover.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
