she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
