Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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