Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
