Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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