I am puke
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
