JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
