Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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