My sheets look like a crime scene.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
