remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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