did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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