im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
