my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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