Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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