I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
