I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
