nut hugger
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
