as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
