my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
