Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
